ok, i'm going to refer to the Russian as 'Galia' now, that being her name and all, due to the fact that i had a little whirlwind of hatred from some kings kid, about the blog, and about how disrespectful it is... so yeah, screw you, ima show some respect. IN SPITE OF YOU. anyway, that's enough of that.
So, Galia is angry with me right now. She keeps looking at me from across the room, her eyes are so full of hatred... i don't know if that's fueled by high levels of vodka in her blood, or the fact that she has a burning inferno of sheer detestation for me.
You might be wondering right now, "oooh, why has her hatred been boosted for you!?"
(or maybe youre thinking "hey, you know what, i don't care"... if you think this, then naaaaff off, i don't need people like you soiling my blog.)
well basically, we just had a bit of an episode... it all started out, with being at my Grandads house, i go there every tuesday, and to be honest, it is the highlight of my week! Anywho, i was giving the task of walking Galia back home, with the dog, after being at G-dads. No one was at my house, and half way into the walk home a thought struck me... "OH CRAP. I don't have a key." despite this burning fear in the back of my mind, we kept walking.
We reached the house.
i did that ridiculous thing, of checking if the front door had miraculously been left open... i gave it a massive pull
it was locked.
Galia looked at me with pure disgust... they obviously don't have doors in Russia.
we went round the side of the house, and took the scenic route of breaking into my house. I'll spare you all of the details, as i really don't want you breaking into my humble abode.
We came across the cat flap... i tried to get through, but i have a fat ass and i really can't be arsed (see what i did there?!)with getting stuck in the cat flap, and being a prime target for a horrible prank by a small Russian. BUT HAVE NO FEAR, KIDS, for i had a bright idea. (This is never good, as most of my ideas end in some sort of destruction, much like an episode of family guy, without the exiting characters or flashbacks)
right, here's my idea; i get Galia to crawl through the cat flap, meaning that she's in the garage, then she can go through the door that connects house to garage, then go to the back door, unlock it, and TAH DAAAAAH!
i show her what needs to be done
it took forever
she looked angry
she went through the cat flap, and came to the back door... this is the part when she's supposed to unlock it... she doesn't touch it. This begins to panic me a little
i start getting premonitions of what horrible occurances may happen, should she be left in the house alone... oh god no.
i do some patronising little hand signals, and mouth the words "dooooor, oooopen"... trying to mouth words in a russian accent is somewhat difficult
it wasn't working
i mouthed "calll ceciliaaaa" (if you dont get this bit, read the previous blog post please)
she understood straight away. BAM, she flicked the handle down and the door swung open...
then it hit me... how did she just flick the handle, if the door was locked? has she got magical powers?!
oh man... i didn't check if the back door had been left open
my life is shameful
next time, i shall take my god damned key.
Russia 3, England 0.
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