i can hear a screaming, crying, sobbing russian child, splashing in the bath, throwing barbies at the bathroom wall.
you may be wondering, "what the hell went wrong!? why isnt this funny?!". Well, today she returned from her little camping holiday with the rest of the russians (hence why there has been a lack of posts in recent days) and on her return, i was instructed by my mum, who isn't at home today, to put her in the bath.
As soon as little russian got to the house, she ran upstairs. Whilst she was in her room, i ran her bath... the sound of gushing water must've triggered something in that evil little capitalist brain of hers. she flipped.
i went through to her room, and told her in my best russian accent "B-ATH TIME"
she smiled. this is never a good sign.
i pulled her arm towards the door
she glared at me...
and said...
"NO." christ... i couldn't decide whether to be angry, or whether to be pleased that after a month in england, she's learnt a real english word!
she kept refusing, so i ran outside to my dad, and told him what was what
he told me to "deal with it". so i did.
I went back into her bedroom, where she was sat, fuming in anger, and began to pack away a load of her toys (i do admit that this was harsh, but dad said it would work...)
that was such a bad move, she went ape s**t! she started wailing and crying and screaming! i swear down that i saw actual FLAMES in her eyes! but i knew i couldn't give in to this horrible terrorist child, it was a true stand off situation, and FOR ONCE, i am bigger, so i will win.
i carried on packing her stuff away, and threw a dressing gown at her
she threw it back at me. I pulled her into the bathroom (this sounds more and more like abuse, i promise it wasn't) she still refused. She grabbed a barbie off of the bathroom side, and threw it at me... i never thought that day would come, that a small soviet child would enforce the naked crotch of barbie into my eye. a mixture of the fact that she was crying, and the fact that i had a plastic foot lodged in my face, i actually felt a sprinkle of salty tear roll down my face... Russia reigns supreme once more.
i called dad to come upstairs again. he had the phone in his hand, as if it was some magical trident, i knew he had a plan
he simply said to the screaming girl "phone cecilia"
(cecilia is the woman who is in charge of all of the russian children on this charity project... lovely lady, however, there is always a look of fear in Gallias eye, whenever cecilias name is mentioned)
the father and the russian locked eyes.
she got in the god damned bath.
dad left the bathroom... and i was pelted with an array of barbies, shampoo bottles and bars of soap.
little devil. i didn't sign up for this
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